Every Breath I Take

Posted on February 15, 2013 by Gale

February was not such a busy month like January was. My appointments will pick up a bit next week but so far so good. Since I have a little more time I’ve been reading blogs from people who have had or are waiting for a lung transplant. I’m even starting to recognize people who comment on various blogs. Oh my goodness, I really need to get a life! One of the most common fears I hear expressed while waiting for the call is that new lungs won’t come in time. It’s a realistic fear and it happens occasionally. It’s always difficult to hear and cope with that kind of news. However, while I know that death is inevitable for all of us, some of us face the prospect sooner than others.

Speaking for myself; my faith is strong and I believe Jesus will be there with me as I go through this surgery and I believe He will bring me through it safely. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about and planned for the eventuality that I may die.
I have asked for only palliative care should that become necessary and either way, I know in my heart that I will be in a better place. Either I will have new lungs and a second chance at life or I will be with my Lord.

There is a mix of excitement and fear around the surgery itself too. Knowing that after the surgery and the post-op period we can finally breathe again, unassisted is something we all look forward to.

Hopefully we will walk and run and just go back to living again without having to think about every breath we take.

That hope is tempered by the fear that the surgery might not go as smoothly as we hope and there might be complications. We wonder if we will have setbacks or if our bodies will reject our beautiful new lungs that come to us at such a high price.

I remember one nurse say that rejection is normal, it’s what our bodies are supposed to do to any foreign object so the goal is to trick the body into accepting our new lungs.

So yes, we are told to expect some of these things, that it’s not unusual but that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary when it happens.

Personally (although I’m sure I’m not alone) I also wonder if there will be a lot of post-op pain and think about how the meds will affect me and how well my body will tolerate them. I’ve heard people talk about having to learn how to breathe again and the new sensations they feel from their new lungs and wonder about those things.

Then there is the excitement of finally being able to get rid of what I like to call the umbilical hose that has become a lifeline, the oxygen and all the paraphernalia that goes with it. To enjoy the luxury of not worrying about tangled hoses or becoming caught on something or accidentally disconnected. On the other hand, after depending on extra oxygen to breathe for so long , it might be scary to get rid of the very thing that helped keep us alive while we waited for our ‘gift of life’.

With some organs there can be living donors but not with lungs. They have to come from someone who is deceased.

I have heard some people talk about feeling guilty knowing someone else (the donor) had to die in order for them to live. I don’t feel that way though. I know that I didn’t cause that person to die because I need new lungs. They would have died whether I needed a transplant or not.

However the compassion and caring the donors and their families show by donating the organs is truly a noble and loving last act of compassion. The gift is two-fold. Not only has the donor given someone they don’t even know a second chance at life but they have also left a memorable legacy for their families as well.

I have to share a little story with you. A few weeks ago my 12-year-old grand-daughter decided that she would like to become an organ donor. She followed the link I had posted to www.beadonor.ca and was concentrating on filling out the form. Her mother had to explain to her that she was too young to volunteer to be a donor but that as soon as she was old enough to sign up, she would help her to do it. I marvel that a 12-year-old adolescent was willing to do what so many adults will not and I love her compassionate little heart. Bless her.

I know that life after transplant will never be the same as it used to be but I believe it can be better. I have some special things I’m looking forward to doing besides the obvious ones.

Before I got sick my hubby and I were planning a trip to Hawaii with my sister and her husband for this coming spring. It’s one of those places I have always wanted to visit. Needless to say, it’s not possible right now and the trip had to be put on hold but I am hoping I’ll be able to do it just as soon as travel is possible. It’s one of my most treasured dreams and I’m so looking forward to it!

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day so we decided to have a special supper and a family games night. We had a great time playing Clue, Connect 4 and Scrabble. Below are some pictures of our fun evening.

Emma and me playing Scrabble